I ended off my last post talking about how I long for companionship and because of that I feel I must apologize or….. explain the type of person I am. I am horrible at conversations. I am alright at basic chit chat.I mean my gosh I work in a coffee shop I have to be. After that though I freeze up. I’m much like Shane Kozycan, the Canadian Poet who performed at the Olympics, I freeze up and would over analyze the conversation. Hell, before I start to talk to someone I don’t really know I’m going over what to say in my head, over and over again. This is effecting my business as well as my personal life.
I thought for the longest time I disliked text messaging or IMing and maybe I do, slightly, but what I think I dislike more is how hard it is for me to get out what I want to say in these messages. Although however much I dislike these tools, I would like to use them so when I ignore messages it is because I am ignoring them.
Is any of this making sense, or is the lack of sleep I get, getting the best of me.
I do the exact same thing, and two of my best friends do it too. often I stick my foot in my mouth, and even when I don’t I think I did and become crippled with overanalyzing conversations to the point that I end up doing it even when I think I’ve proofed myself against it.
aint much I can do about it, so I ignore the problem and then put myself in isolation from time to time after I’ve become too chaffed from the contact:)
Good luck my friend. maybe we could start a club for the socially awkward..
The ‘socially awkward’ club that Mira mentioned is a big one. In my 40’s I find it easing a little bit, am I getting indifferent due to aging or more confident? I don’t know. Maybe both.
10 or more years back, throw me into a cocktail party and I was either a social hand grenade or a wallflower, but never seemed to be anything in between. I still avoid most parties… so I don’t know how much has changed. They just aren’t my comfort zone. I prefer one on one or small gatherings.
And don’t forget perspective. I started reading your blog some time ago, and have enjoyed and admired your ease with words and thoughts, your friendly informal style. You are a better conversation starter than you might give yourself credit for.
An aside: Thanks for mentioning Shane too, I wanted to find his poetry from the Opening Ceramonies and youtube kept taking down anything Olympic as fast as I found it. Now knowing his last name from your post, I just found a copy that isn’t “Olympic” to post on my blog, woo hoo!